An Exercise in Faith

So, as you know, Austin moved out over two weeks ago. He recently celebrated his 18th birthday on 9/28. Well, since my father took ill, on Austin's birthday we went to see my dad. Austin went with us, hopefully because he understands that family is very important. It wasn't a great visit with my dad, he was REALLY sick. But that's another blog. (don't get me wrong, he's in the hospital, and I'm grateful for that...he will get better).

We stayed at my parents house for like, an hour, and that really was long enough because my dad was just not talkative or in the mood for company. We were home by 5pm to get ready for Austin's birthday dinner and Jessica coming over.

We had all the presents bought, the dinner planned and the Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake purchased because that is what he wanted. It was going well until after the presents. We told Austin he would not be able to get his gifts and his laundry back to his friend's house, where he is "living" on his scooter and we'd be happy to follow him and drop off the stuff. He said that we couldn't. Well, I, personally, was so hurt. Why can't we know where he is living? The realization I came to was that, as parents, we are an embarrassment to him. I couldn't help but cry, I just felt so hurt. Well, I let him know I was hurt and the evening went downhill from there.

The truth is, we wanted for Austin's 18th birthday to be so wonderful that we all walked around on egg shells and inevitably, those egg shells were crushed. Austin let us know that he does not approve of the way we handle ourselves. We are passionate people, and we tend to anger quickly or react quickly and that makes him uncomfortable and apparently embarrassed. We are products of our environment...Don from an Italian family and me from a family where loud is just normal! But in my husband and my family there is intense love, support and most of all fun.

You know, we are not perfect, by any means, and never claimed to be. But I will say this...for all the things Austin complains about that we do wrong, there are plenty of things we do right. Unfortunately, he won't realize this for a few years. He also doesn't see that some of the "wrong" is from him. For now, we feel that we've done the best we can...there is no "parent" manual, no "perfect family" manual and if Austin decides to write one, we will certainly read it...request a signed copy.

Since he left, on his 18th birthday, and Jessica was the person he chose to take his gifts to his new home...we decided that we need, more than ever, to exercise our faith. Three days after his birthday, we found out he had been dropped from college due to excessive absence. Thankfully, that was his dime...or his $800. Whatever happens happens, it's in God's hands, what is to be will be, there's a reason for everything, etc., etc. Austin knows that we are there for him, he knows we love him and we are worried about him. He doesn't seem happy to us at all, but these are his decisions.

An exercise in faith, letting go. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.