It's not over until the fat lady sings. Well, I'm still considered fat, and I have sung. Actually, I didn't sing, I cried.
Austin moved back in about a month ago. Don and I told him when he left in September that we would give him one opportunity to come home. We had two rules he had to follow. He could not tell lies and he could not do any drugs. We also asked him to pay us $150 in rent. I did his laundry, we provided him food, bottled water, toiletries; he used our computer, our phones; he has cable in his bedroom and a DVR. He had a warm bed to sleep in. Today I received $40 towards the $150 and I'm sure I will never see the other $110. But, as a wise woman told me recently, don't ever lend more than you are ready to lose.
Imagine my surprise...uh, surprise isn't really the word...my 'disappointment' and 'anger' are words that work better. I went outside to move Austin's car into our driveway. Don and Spencer are in NY seeing Don's 91 year old father who is very ill. I could smell that nasty smell (well, it's nasty to me) and looked down in the door storage and there it "all" was. In living color and scent. I put it all in a "bigger" plastic bag and just waited. Austin gets home late from "whatever he does after work", so I let him sleep until just before 11am. I went to his room and told him I had bad news and handed him the bag. I told him he had to move out. I was calm, but hurt. I also said to him, as I started to cry, "I'm sorry things didn't work out differently". He said he was too, but I don't believe he was. To Don and I, what we expected was simple, but to Austin...not so much.
Don tried to get Austin a job at the Town of Cary making $12 per hour collecting leaves. The Town of Cary drug tests, so Austin couldn't even
apply for a $12 per hour job collecting leaves. THIS is the reality of it all! Drugs are drugs are drugs and there are reasons why they are illegal. Period. Responsibility is what is expected of us as adults, and "law" says that Austin is an adult.
Don and I both feel that this won't go well for Austin. He works two jobs, but doesn't make enough money to even rent a room and still pay car insurance, pay for gas, and pay for his most necessary cell phone.
Does this sound harsh and unloving? Probably to some of you it does. If it does, you have not walked in our shoes. We've tried and tried and tried. We are still paying bills from our "trying". And, then there are the many ruined holidays, extreme stress on our marriage, sleepness nights, damages to our home, just a terrible strain on our family. We feel confident that as parents, we've done all we can. Now, this situation is in the hands of God. We cannot control it, we cannot save him from himself and his choices. Sadly, he doesn't believe in God.
In a way, I feel a tad bit relieved. I will not be a witness to the train wreck. We wish him well and we pray that he will be OK and will find the right path. Heck, I guess we'll even save money this year on Christmas gifts! Now, for those of you reading this who think it's harsh and unloving...I guess you are really sure of that now.
Whether we are 18, 26, 54, 76...we have to live with our choices. We have always said to the kids "If it's worth the consequences, then go ahead and do it". Apparently, it was worth the consequences for Austin, even if it means he lives out of his car. It's all very sad, but as Karen says..."It is what it is".
la, la, la, la
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